Make the most of your netoworking

I absolutely dread going to networking events. The emails come into my inbox, I leave them unread for days debating whether or not I should go. It’s sort of like how it’s annoying when your mom is always right… it’s annoying that I always meet someone interesting whenever I push myself to go to those things. The funny thing about building a network is the lack of immediate gratification. It’s rare that you go to a networking event and leave with your next huge client or deal signed, sealed and done. Networking is a marathon. It takes training, time, and persistence to build and needs to be nurtured to maintained. 

It starts with YES

Always say yes (when you can.) There are obviously times that you can’t go, but if your debating ordering in Chinese food or going to a networking event.. go. If you’re debating seeing your kid or going to a networking event – see your kid and THEN go to the networking event (if timing permits.) With networking, the more “at bats” you have, the more likely you are to succeed. You have to be out and about to make connections, so just. Say. Yes. Saying yes is a mantra that should hold true beyond your attendance. Go into an event with a “yes” attitude and not a negative one. The second you decide to go somewhere, you WANT to be there. Even if it is an obligation. If someone talks to you about something really boring, or something you can’t relate to – find ANY way to continue the conversation. I’ll share some tips on this below.

Make your presence known

Time is not a measure of whether or not you attended. If you attend and event and stand in a corner the whole time speaking to nobody, it doesn’t matter that you were there, does it? If you speak to 100 people, and not one person remembers your name, does it matter that you were there? But how do you achieve this.

Ask questions

Don’t make it about you.Funny enough, getting to know someone is all about getting THEM to talk. I am the type of person that HATES awkward silences and tends to fill quietness by talking. Put me in a room and I can talk to a wall for 30 minutes and keep myself entertained. You may think this is a good thing when it comes to networking, but its not. The greatest skill you can learn if you want to truly get to know someone is to listen. Listening is hard if you’re a type A person with relatively high self-orientation (like me!) Rather than telling, ASK. If someone tells you a funny story, resist the urge to share a similar story back and instead ask more questions about that story. You walk into a party, introduce yourself to someone, ask how their day was and they respond, “my day was great, I’m getting ready to leave for vacation tomorrow.” You respond, “That’s so nice, where?” “Miami!” RESIST THE URGE TO SAY, “I go to Miami all the time, I love it there” and instead ASK. “What made you choose Miami?” “Do you travel often?” “Who are you going with?” Ask until you can’t ask any more… and the truth is, you can always keep digging deeper into someone’s story. I know I sound cheesy, but the “magic” happens, when you keep asking questions and realize you just learnt something really meaningful about someone you met just five minutes ago. If someone begins to share something important with you after just meeting you – they’ll remember you. You’ll also be tempted to tell whoever you meet what you do for work. I try my best not to bring this up unless I’m asked. You never want to come off like you are trying to get to know someone with the intent of doing business with him or her. It comes of ingenuine 

The sale starts when the customer says no

There was a man who worked at J.P. Morgan when I was there who was a legend. He was a partner at Bear Sterns and was asked personally by Jamie Dimon to stay on after the merger. He embodied what it meant to be a J.P. Morgan employee and is the ultimate salesperson. He is also just an incredible and philanthropic person who I will always look up to. The line he always said that most resonated with me is the sale starts when the customer says no. Maybe I’m stretching the meaning of that line, but sales is hard work! Networking is essentially “selling yourself” to someone you don’t know. You are selling the idea that you are someone they want to know – better yet, you are someone theyneed to know. Do not be discouraged if your “sale” doesn’t go smoothly, because… the sale starts when the customer says no. People, in general, are nice, but skeptical when they meet new people. The default is, “this person can’t be that important to me” and it is your job to prove otherwise. You may talk about something that isn’t working. Pivot. Don’t run away and find someone new to talk to. Find something else to talk about and try again.

 

Find out what someone cares about

Listen, watch body language and if someone looks disinterested, they probably are. If you try enough topics, you are bound to find something that resonates. I usually start with the crowd pleasers – ask about family, travel, food, hobbies, current events. If you keep your questions vague and open ended the person you are speaking to is bound to share.

 

Kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince

You are lucky to leave each networking with one solid connection. One meaningful connection will lead to 10 more. Don’t feel bad if 80% of your night is spent talking to frogs.

 

Confidence is key

You need to be really proud of who you are and what you’ve done. If you are busy asking questions, you will only have a limited time to talk about yourself. When you do, make it good! If you just switched careers, practice your two lines on WHY. Make sure you have a very short and concise explanation of what you do. Make sure you have something compelling to say about yourself. When I introduce myself, I can do it two ways:

1. I am a financial advisor at Alliance Bernstein and a former banker at J.P. Morgan who also writes content for a website That Pencil Skirt or…

1. I’ve successfully built a practice at Alliance Bernstein managing money on behalf of some of the most complex and successful families and executives in the world. I also founded a popular site, That Pencil Skirt, that creates content targeting working women on the markets, what to wear and work advice.

Make it short, sexy and compelling – if you don’t sound excited about it, why would anyone else be?